


You Spin Me Around the Color Wheel

by Ithinkwehaveanemergency



Category: All American (TV)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Implied/Referenced Drug Use
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-18
Updated: 2018-10-18
Packaged: 2019-08-04 01:10:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,098
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16336862
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ithinkwehaveanemergency/pseuds/Ithinkwehaveanemergency
Summary: In-the-near-future fic about Olivia and Asher.This will not be canon-compliant as it was mostly written after the first episode, but I made a very brief reference to their implied history that came to light in 1x02.





	You Spin Me Around the Color Wheel

**Author's Note:**

> Title stolen from Marshmello & Wrabel's _Ritual_

A familiar song vibrates through the speakers in the Baker house and Olivia looks up from her phone.  She looks around the large, but relatively intimate party. The song brings back memories of the the best and worst days of her life.

 

Olivia used to love the constant raves, parties, concerts.

 

All of it.

 

It was something she could understand.  She could lose herself in it. It all made sense.

 

 _Marshmello_.

 

The artist playing sets memories off in her head.

 

She'd seen his set at Red Rocks last June.

 

Rolling with people whose last names she doesn't remember.  In fact, she's not sure she ever knew them at all. It was a pretty standard practice to surround herself by strangers in order to feel less…

 

_Alone._

 

That's what most people there were trying to do, she supposes.  Finding a beautiful place, with beautiful people, and losing themselves in eachother.  The truth was, all they were doing was being numb and alone together.  

 

Trying to recall the feeling was like trying to recall the very first Christmas that Santa had left her a gift.  And in a way it was just like that. The young man who’d provided the goods was mostly a stranger. Someone that she'd heard of.  He came bearing promises of happiness, just like Kris Kringle leaving that toy she'd been dreaming of all season when she was young.  And for one _great_ day… it was the happiest she’d ever felt.

 

She knows she yearns for it, but knows in the right side of her mind that it's been too many times, it's been too much stimulation.  It's just been too much in general.

 

_She will never feel that way again._

 

It's not that she wants to get back into partying like her peers.  It's so much more than that. It's about the feeling of youth, invincibility, and being on top of the world that you can find any number of ways, some healthy, some frivolous… She felt like that constantly.  And that she shouldn’t have squandered too fast.

 

Normal people get to do it for fun, once in a blue moon.  They get to get loaded, take their drugs, have their hangover and go on about their lives the next day like none of it mattered.

 

Normal isn't something Olivia feels like she knows the meaning of these days.

 

She can be here, though, she thinks as she watches Jordan and Layla out in the yard, laughing about something Hadley is saying.  She can be here for her brother, and her brother can trust her. They've come far enough for that. They don't talk much these days, but it's more than they did when she first got out of rehab.  And that's _something_.  It's enough for her.

 

“You okay?”

 

Olivia startles.  She looks up and sees Asher standing next to the arm of the couch.  She rolls her eyes at the way he's staring out the window instead of looking down at her, despite the question clearly being directed toward her.  She's not surprised. They've become so used to not being able to look eachother in the eye that even now, when everything is out there… when it's all over…

 

They don't know how.

 

“I should be asking you that.”  Olivia counters, following his gaze to where Spencer has come up behind Layla, putting possessive arms around her tiny waist and kissing her temple.  Olivia looks back to Asher's profile. He doesn't look upset, or affected at all really. He just looks tired. “I didn't think we'd see you tonight.”

 

“Your brother is still my best friend.  That's what's important to me.” Asher finally looks down at her, expression determined and its so familiar that all she can do is smile at him sadly.

 

“Yeah, trust me…”  Olivia nods back down into her water glass before taking a tiny sip just to avoid looking at the boy next to her.  “I'm aware. You've told me.”

 

Asher laughs and it shocks her.  She looks up with wide eyes and see that he’s staring at her with an equally shocked expression.

 

“I feel like this is the most you've said to me since-”

 

“Wanna go for a walk?”  Olivia interrupts him. She sees his shoulders relax and his laugh turns from shocked to sad.

 

“Yeah.”  Asher nods.  “It's not as if anyone will miss me here.”

 

Olivia bites her tongue before she can snark an insensitive reply about how he has no one to blame but himself.

 

He looks like he's well aware of that fact, and no matter what their history, no matter how big a douche he can be… she still hates to she him in pain.

 

“I like to think I'm better company anyway.”  Olivia glares playfully as she stands and passes him with a light shoulder check.  She turns and faces him as she walk toward the door. “So show a little more enthusiasm, jackass.”

 

She feels like it's a win when the sadness melts off his face as he arches an eyebrow at her and follows.

 

*****

 

The playground is quiet except for the creaking sound of metal on metal as Asher drifts back and forth on the the swing.

 

Olivia watches him from where she's hanging upside down on the monkey bars.

 

His hood is up, protecting him from the inevitable gusts of wind in the hilly neighborhood.  He picks at his artfully ripped jeans with one hand, the other clinging to the chains his side.

 

“Do you ever blame me?”  He speaks without looking up at her.

 

Olivia falls gracefully back into the rubber playground floor.  She toes on the sandals she'd kicked off when they got to the park and walks toward him.

 

“Dude.”  She laughs.  “You gotta give me more than that.  You've done a lot that I could blame you for.”

 

“I don't know.”  He looks up at her finally.  His eyes are round and younger looking than she's seen in years and her heart aches immediately.  She hates that he can do that to her. And she recalls the moment she realized she wasn't the only one he had that effect on.  She almost want to go back to not being able to look eachother in the eye. Almost.

 

“Are you talking about what happened to me?  What I did to myself?” Olivia scoffs, insulted.  “No, Asher. No, I don't blame you. Don't give yourself so much fucking credit.”

 

“None of this would have happened if it just… If it had stayed the three of us, y'know?”  Asher looks down again. “If I hadn't pushed you away like that.”

 

Olivia sucks in a breath.  Her anger subsides as she remembers that they really screwed up years of important friendship.  They screwed it up more than once. This might be their last chance to salvage it.

 

“I pushed too.”  Olivia whispers in the silence of the night.  She steps closer and brings a hand up to run her manicured fingers through Asher's hair, and he looks up at her again with those big, sad eyes.  “I just… I always thought it'd be _you_ , Asher. I was young, and I was stupid, and more importantly I was used to getting what I wanted.  I should have respected what you said instead of throwing a hissy fit and going off and reinventing myself or whatever.  But even if you did hurt me, what I did afterwards was on me. I was doing it for hundreds of stupid reasons, Ash. It was all me.”

 

Asher leans into her touch as his hood falls off his head.  His eyes close and Olivia chastises herself silently for still loving a boy she has no business feeling anything for.

 

But she keeps carding her long fingers though his short hair.

 

“I was mad when Jordan told me, you know?”  Asher sighs. He sobs dryly, and it turns into a self-deprecating laugh.  “I was so mad. It was so ridiculous. I didn't know why I was mad. And then I realized that it was because I was right there.  If I could just bear to look at you, I would've seen what was going on. But I selfishly chose to avoid looking at you. Because looking at you hurt.  It always hurt, Liv. Looking at you will always hurt. And because of what a coward I was, the only way I could look at you was to make everything else go away and get loaded.  And once I saw you again… I couldn't _not_ be with you.  Liv, that was _never_ how I imagined I'd finally get to be with you.”

 

Olivia freezes, her heart pounding too hard for her to focus on anything but the roaring, rushing drone in her ears.

 

“No, we were just drunk.”  Olivia stutters. “We were high, it was just… the closest, most familiar thing, it was just the moment-”

 

“It was just you, Olivia.”  Asher opens his eyes and looks at his jeans again.  He lets out a frustrated moan. “It was just me being a shitty person, because I knew how you felt and I still let that happen.  And because it was wrong of me to even be with her in the first place, Liv. I wanted to be with you back then.  I wanted it more than anything.  I know I said I couldn't- we couldn't. I was scared of losing your brother, your family, _you_.  But I lost all that anyway, so it was all for nothing.”

 

Asher looks up at her, and she sees the pain in his eyes.  She knows he does truly blame himself for a lot of the things that have happened over the past couple years.

 

“I always thought it'd be you, too.”  Asher rasps out.

 

He stands up out of the swing and away from her touch.  He runs a hand through his own hair, scrubbing tiredly, like he's trying to rid himself of the feeling of her on him.  His face in scrunched in pain as he looks away into the bright lights of the city.

 

“Is it stupid that sometimes…” Olivia closes the distance between them and reaches out for his hand.  She looks up at him through dark lashes and he glances down at their hands instead of her face. “Sometimes, I still think like that fourteen year old girl?  That I still hope that you're going to come sweep me off my feet like prince charming and tell me that you've always loved me and that you want to be with me forever?”

 

“Yeah, probably.”  Asher’s voice cracks as he keeps looking down at their hands.

 

He looks up at her and it's his determined expression again.  But it's out of place here, where they're hashing out their fucked up history and he's breaking her all over again, but this time by telling her the truth.

 

“I _have_ always loved you.  And I know that I will forever, no matter what happens.”  Asher speaks louder than they have been and it's a violent contrast to the dead silence of the night around them.  It's not the way she used to dream she'd hear those particular words from a boy. But the boy is the one she'd always imagined saying them.  “But it's probably stupid to think I'm anything close to a prince charming. I never was.”

 

“Yeah.   _Probably_ .”  Olivia reaches up with her free hand and smoothes the wrinkles from his forehead.  He melts instantly at her touch. She could get used to that. “But that's who you are in _my_ story.  And I'm not ready to give up on fairy tales yet.”

 

Her hand drops from his face and she smiles up at Asher.  Feeling a surge of hope as she looks into his tired eyes. She shivers visibly and he mistakes it for her being cold.  He takes his hoodie off and helps her into it. She leans in to kiss his cheek softly in thanks, but she stays there. Arms threading around his neck as his grip onto the back of her ribs tightly.

 

When she pulls away, he immediately reaches for her hand again.  There's no smile, but there is a look of relief on his face that she doesn't think she's ever seen.  The warmth that grows in her chest has nothing to do with the sweater.

 

“Let's not go back just yet.”  Olivia feels Asher's hand tighten in hers.  “I want to walk some more with you.”

 

He follows, the grip of his fingers in hers unwavering as they leave the small playground and wander off into the night.


End file.
